It’s getting very personal out in the world especially if you are a solo woman traveler.  For years, I shrugged off the crazy questions, the observations that are best left unsaid and the many comments that folks forgot to filter.  I would rationalize it that it was their culture to ask, comment and observe. But lately, I’ve been reading posts by amazing women travelers that make me scream “What is wrong with people?”.  Megsy wrote a great post about Having Curves after a comment about “looking overweight and unfit”.  She wondered if you can be overweight and travel (um, yes you can, the BMI chart isn’t the only measure of a person’s health). We all can’t be cute and petite like Samantha Brown  nor look glamorous after a bucket shower in Botswana .  I then read Jeannie’s post about body diversity (inspired by Megsy’s post) after she was called “fat and pregnant” on solo travel to multiple countries where apparently it’s ok to say anything you want.  When did filters go away?  Common courtesy?

I’m tired of reading about all the defensive measures solo women need to take to explain themselves when they  just want to see/enjoy the world. I’m tired of people trying to work out their issues by cutting others down, trying to make people feel less and feeling that it’s ok to make personal comments.  I’m tired of the media telling me that I’m not thin/pretty/young enough or worthy enough for this, that or the other.  Tired of the ads to try this miracle cure to erase time, wrinkles and fat. Everyday, there are messages telling me “I’m not x enough, not worthy of y or z” so when I travel I like to escape the drama of the everyday and reconnect with the awesomeness that is me – the part of me that knows I am definitely enough (and worthy of cookies, chocolate and wine, in moderation of course). It’s so easy to forget that on the hamster wheel of life.

One size does not fit all – in travel, in clothes and in life. Years ago, I made peace with who I am and had to learn to stop caring what others thought about me although I still struggle with this. My wake up call came when my college roommate died before her 36th birthday, I had to ask myself why I wasn’t happy – it wasn’t because I was alone without a husband or kids, I was unhappy at my core.  Making many hard choices and changes, I found a new path to happy-ish because we only get one spin at life.  My life list was adjusted and key achievements altered – goodbye white picket fence, adios prince charming and au revoir toxic people.

So these are the questions/comments I wish people would stop asking me (what about you?):

1. Where is Your Husband?  Don’t You Want To Get Married?

Ok, if you can find me a husband I believe there may be a dowry somewhere.  Seriously, women do not need a husband to travel. I know many women who travel solo because their husbands have no interest in travel. I know women who do girls getaways/reunions without their husbands.  I know women who are divorced, widowed, unmarried and a few who have wives not husbands.

What is the right answer to this?  Sorry, unlucky in love, no husband?  Yeah that won’t drive you to the nearest bottle of red and make you ponder question 2!

2. Don’t You Get Lonely?

No one asks me this on a daily basis at home so why would I be lonely on the road?  If you assume being alone = lonely then wouldn’t I be lonely every day at home alone, on the train commute and at the gym working out alone?  Sure, I often think it would be great to have someone with me to experience the sunrise in Africa, the glacier hike in New Zealand, share the amazing Barolo in Italy or be the shoulder I need during my meltdowns but I can’t sit at home on the couch waiting for someone to travel with, I need to just do it – just go!

3. You are So Brave!

This is the comment that I hear the most and drives me insane. This is insecurity of not being able/or willing to go it alone and you equate it to fear and bravery.  I just want to travel so celebrate my adventurous spirit or my intellectual curiosity don’t confuse it with bravery.  Why are men not given the same “you are so brave” talk?  I travel solo for business and am not told “I’m brave”.  Brave is reserved for firemen, police officers, soldiers. Brave is for those fighting the good fight.  I’m not brave because I got on a plane alone and checked into a fancy hotel to explore a city.

4. Why Don’t You have Children?, Don’t You Want Children?, How Many Children Do you Have?

Really, none of your business folks and it still amazes me that I get asked these questions.  Sometimes I just talk about my nieces and pretend they are my kids because otherwise the conversation goes back to “Where is Your Husband” and leads to “Aren’t You Lonely” – ah the circle of torture!

I think everyone needs to be celebrated daily for being who they are with the only benchmark being happy, healthy and kind.  We are all enough – it’s best to build people up, not tear them down with questions, comments, bullying, etc. Simple goals in theory, sadly much harder in practice.