The controversy has popped up into our social feeds and reignited a debate of fierce stances – should you ask to recline the airline seat or not or just go for it without warning?  I don’t normally jump into the “topic of the day” but here I am because I’m been the victim of the seat recline, rather my poor knees have been the victim of the seat back.

By now we’ve all seen the video of the guy pushing (or punching) the seat in front of him because the passenger in front of him leaned back without asking or providing any indication.  I’m not sure when we forgot to use our words and treat folks with respect.

The airplane seems to be the wild west of manners and attitudes. There has to be a common sense middle ground. We are all too “whip out the phone first” crazy for likes, cancel culture and viral attention.

This could have probably been settled easily without the escalation but alas it’s now in the social media sphere and being discussed.

In my opinion, based on what I’ve read (I’m sure there stuff I don’t know) both seem at fault.  The woman could have asked first to see that leaning back didn’t cause any obstacles or discomfort.  What if his tray table was down and he was working on his computer?  What if the seat recline hindered that ability.  What if this was a woman who did this or the reclining passenger was male?  So many what ifs.   So many opinions.

The woman in her tweets discloses a medical condition with her back/spine and says the incident caused more damage requiring a doctor’s visit, x-rays, lost time from work, etc. comparing it to “assault”.  So it seems there’s more to her experience that led her to go public with the incident. A few steps seem to be missing – tell the guy to stop, tell him you have a medical condition, ask to be moved to another seat, etc.  A lot of options at the time on board before bringing it to public scrutiny and opinion.

It’s reported that the guy did ask her to put seat up so he could use the tray table to eat, which she did.  She then reclined again. This was a two hour flight!  The guy was in the last row of coach and if you’ve ever sat there (I have many times) you know those seats don’t recline at all. So you could be pinned in depending on your body type.  The man pushes the seat a few times and instead of the woman with the spine issues saying anything to him, she chooses to film the man (did she get his consent to film him?) instead?!  That’s a bit crazy to me.  If someone kicks my seat once I get annoyed more than that?  I’m saying something, I’m not filming it.  I’m resolving it right then and there.

I think it’s safe to assume we’ve all been in this situation in some way or another. I’ve had kids kicking my seatback – I told the parent and the kicking stopped.  I’ve had situations where I’m on the aisle and the girl in front of me not only threw her long hair over the seatback (ewww!) but also reclined without asking thus pinning me in.  I pointed this out to the flight attendant (as the passenger and I had different languages) as her hair was offensive in my space.   She removed her hair but kept reclining and gave me a death stare mumbling under her breath (words I did understand in her language) when I needed to get up as it disturbed her flight.

Here’s the thing – I book an aisle seat as I’m tall and short waisted with long legs.  My knees are already likely pressing into the seat.  If you push back, my knees will likely push into your back and I will be pinned into my seat which is frankly dangerous for evacuation.  In order to stand up, I need to hold the seat in front to angle myself up and out (thankfully all that yoga pays off!).  Using the tray table is not an option when you push your seat back so I can’t work on my computer even if I wanted to nor can I eat (when or if the airline serves food, the flight attendant always has to ask the passenger to put their seat up so I can use the tray table).  I often try to sit sideways if the seat arm will push up but then I’m at the mercy of beverage carts (they will hit me all the time) and people walking to/from bathroom.

Now if you ask me if you can put the seat back, I will say yes (Catholic School guilt being nice) but disclose my issues above.  If you are ok with those conditions, go for it.  Most times folks will recline, feel my knees in their back, feel bad, say sorry and put the seat back in upright position.

A few times, I’ve been able to avoid all of this unpleasantness by paying for a choice seat (on American Airlines out of PHL)  for $35-50. The few times I’ve done this, I’ve ended up with a while row to myself.  When that happens, I will move to the window seat and stretch out.  Best use of money to upgrade to the seat others don’t want to pay more for.  Other times, if I can afford it, I’ll buy a first class ticket or upgrade with points for the extra leg and seat room.  Just take my points to let me stretch out in comfort.

The only answer to me is to politely ask (or notify) the passenger behind you first.  Be respectful if someone says no or offers up a reason why (i.e. working and using tray table, already poured into the seat and will be stuck, etc.).  The recline feature doesn’t do much in my opinion other than take personal space away from someone else.  The airlines created this mess trying to jam in more seats to maximize revenue.  The seat pitch continues to shrink as does the seat size for a growing population that spills into the seats and make the notion of neighbors that much cozier when you are thigh to thigh (or shoulder to shoulder) for a few hours.

Be Kind seems so simple – Treat others the way you want to be treated sounds easy – Life, however, has made us stuck in a bubble where all of our wants/needs are catered too with immediacy – Let’s start a bit of a revolution on the next flight with empathy and respect.  Please ask before reclining your seat.  It’s the right thing to do.

Your thoughts – should you ask to recline the airline seat or just push back at will?